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My friend Sara just sent me a link to the absolute most awesome thing you have ever seen.
My new goal in life is to teach my child to do this. I know Kanye would approve.
Every parent has hopes and dreams for their children, and from even the very beginning we watch for signs that our baby might be destined for greatness. Based on his own very unique set of skills, here are some career options for Baby Evan:
Fireman – He can pee on whatever’s on fire. Don’t worry if it’s big or far away, he was really thirsty this morning.
Chef – His restaurant will be super modern and avant garde, serving dishes such as Dog Hair Chowder and Steamed Sleeve with Drool Sauce.
Explosives expert – He has a special skill for ‘splosions.
Dairy Farmer – Self explanatory.
Politician – He’s already so full of shit he can’t keep it to himself. He’s also has the charm, the good looks, and the scandalous naked pictures.
Veterinarian – All the doggies he could ever want AND he gets to poke at them.
Bad guy in a James Bond movie – I think this is his best bet as it combines his skills for being evil, explosions, a love for animals and his giant head all into one perfect profession.
1. I was planning to work out first.
2. You’re only supposed to wash your hair, like, twice a week anyways.
3. I used all the hot water on the laundry.
4. My “natural” scent helps the baby bond with me.
5. Something about the environment.
6. I cleaned the bathroom this morning and can’t bring myself to get it dirty.
7. The shower is upstairs and the baby is sleeping in the swing downstairs and I can’t hear the monitor over the sound of the shower.
8. I can put a hat over my greasy hair but not over my disgusting floors.
9. Babies don’t can’t if you’ve shaved your legs this week month.
10. I am just plain old lazy.
I posted this on my Facebook already but for anyone who doesn’t constantly check my status updates (Helllooooo? What could you possibly be doing that’s more important???) please stop looking at my blog and go read this website immediately: Let’s Panic! (Tag line: It will come out of you, and then you have to take care of it.) It is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation or maybe it’s just the author’s total understanding of that sleep deprivation, but I am sitting on my couch crying with laughter. I should really be doing…something right now, but until my hysteria passes I will be researching What Kind of Baby I have and Appropriate Substitutes for sex.