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Every parent has hopes and dreams for their children, and from even the very beginning we watch for signs that our baby might be destined for greatness. Based on his own very unique set of skills, here are some career options for Baby Evan:
Fireman – He can pee on whatever’s on fire. Don’t worry if it’s big or far away, he was really thirsty this morning.
Chef – His restaurant will be super modern and avant garde, serving dishes such as Dog Hair Chowder and Steamed Sleeve with Drool Sauce.
Explosives expert – He has a special skill for ‘splosions.
Dairy Farmer – Self explanatory.
Politician – He’s already so full of shit he can’t keep it to himself. He’s also has the charm, the good looks, and the scandalous naked pictures.
Veterinarian – All the doggies he could ever want AND he gets to poke at them.
Bad guy in a James Bond movie – I think this is his best bet as it combines his skills for being evil, explosions, a love for animals and his giant head all into one perfect profession.
Although I am confident my child is incredibly gifted and a true genius who will someday cure cancer, discover the secret to cold fusion, and invent a diet pill that causes chocolate to burn fat, lets give him a second to figure out how his hands work and why he can’t fit both in his mouth at once. So maybe you should cool it with the “Your child could be on Jeopardy!” emails for, say, five more years. Or at least until he stop crapping himself. K, thanks.
My future genius at 14 weeks.