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I don’t think Baby Evan is ever going to crawl. I am only slightly upset about this development, as it means I can delay my baby proofing a little while longer. Unfortunately, that means when I do baby proof I’ll have to go right to the locking-up-everything stage instead of the empty-the-bottom-shelf stage, complete with baby gates, toilet locks (?), anti-door-slamming devices (???) and padded faucets in the tub (???????)

Baby Evan has always hated tummy time and now that he can roll front-to-back without any effort he won’t stay face down for more than a couple seconds. He can sit with very little help and stand almost on his own. He looooves the standing, looooooooooves it lovelovelovelovelove and would stand all day if his mean evil mommy didn’t complain about her arms hurting and make him lie back down WAH WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAAH. But because he refuses to spend any time on this tummy he hasn’t progressed to straight-armed push ups and could care less about trying to get up on his knees.

I’ve done the required Google search for “OMG what if my baby never crawls?!?” and “is not crawling a sign of autism/ADD/childhood cancer/douchbagism?” and everything is very reassuring. Lots of babies skip certain milestones in favor of other ones. He’s been right on track with smiling, laughing, motor skills and growth. I have no real reasons to worry – so I won’t. Or I’ll try not to. So what if all the other 5 months old at mom’s group are practicing their downward dogs and rolling front to back? My kid is well on his way to being the youngest person ever to run a marathon.

It is amazing how being a parent changes the way you look at something as simple as walking.

My mall is the worst designed mall in the entire world. Instead of flattening out the land before construction they just built the whole thing uphill so every 40 feet there are 2-3 steps. On both floors. I never noticed what a stupid design this actually was until I tried to walk it pushing a stroller. To accommodate the pushers – and probably to comply with the handicap-accessibility laws – the kind mall designers built one single ramp for each set of stairs (actually, four sets of stairs, two on each side of the mall).

In theory, this system works fine. The ramp is wide enough that  two normal-sized strollers can pass, so even on a busy day you aren’t stuck waiting and can get from the As Seen on TV Store to the sketchy Asian import/”relaxation” store*as fast as your tacky crap buying heart desires.

But in practice, people are idiots. Lazy idiots who see the ramps as the best way to avoid walking up steps instead of a necessity for people who can’t navigate the stairs. Lazy fat idiots who walk two across so you end up standing in line for your turn to push the stroller down the ramp. Lazy fat deaf blind idiots who move at a glacial pace and don’t even notice the moms glaring and sighing in frustration. I tried just running them over with the stroller but that was about as effective as trying to move a tree out of the way with your car. I commented to the girl with the stroller waiting in front of me how rude I thought this was, and she said “It’s even worse for me since all the old women use the opportunity to scold me for being a teen mother. This isn’t even my kid – she’s my sister!”

It took becoming a mother for me to realize that while children can be inconvenient, they aren’t intentionally difficult or rude. I always thought little kids were the most annoying part of parenting but it turns out it’s other adults that are the real pain in the ass. Where can I go for good old fashioned hold-the-door, mind-your-own-beeswax, take-the-stairs, smile-at-your-neighbor living?

*The mall also sucks as a mall, with about half the store fronts empty or containing temporary displays. Unfortunately it’s where our Old Navy and H&M are so I can’t avoid it entirely. Plus, again, AIR CONDITIONING.

IMG_3160No reason, I just love this one.

Farmer’s Market! It’s held downtown at the boat launch/marina close enough that we can walk down in nice weather (walking home is much harder since it’s uphill). There’s a bigger, fancier market on Friday nights in the next town over but this one is perfectly fine for picking up salad ingredients or something to snack on.

*The last picture is of the mini-golf course that some teenagers vandalized by setting some of the buildings on fire. Now it’s in the process of being bulldozed and I want to kick those kids in the teeth. It was the ONE family-friendly thing to do outside.

**Truthfully, these are from last week. This week has been too tiring to do anything fun – unless you want to see pictures of us filling out tax forms from the town we used to live in or recycling cans at the Big Y to get the 5 cent deposits back.

Photos from the first meeting of my baby and my best friend’s baby, with narration.

IMG_3065Baby Evan: Mmmmm…this hand is delicious.
Baby Reid: OMG IS THAT GIANT GOING TO EAT ME???
IMG_3058Baby Evan: Oh hey, I didn’t see you there. Sup? I like your outfit, totally dig the whale.
Baby Reid: IT’S GOING TO EAAAAAAAT MEEEEE! MOM! HELP!
Baby Evan: Don’t cry dude, I promise I won’t eat you.
IMG_3062Baby Reid: Whew, I was worried. Nice to meet you. I would shake your hand but since I don’t quite have use of my own I’ll just punch you in the face instead.
Baby Evan: It’s cool, I totally remember what that was like.
IMG_3066Baby Evan: As a sign of friendship I will punch you back, in the leg.
Baby Reid: Whoa, you moved so fast you’re totally blurry. Take my advice, immobility is the way to go. Don’t let them trick you into doing stuff on your own – next thing you know they’ll expect you to wipe your own butt and it’s all down hill from there.
IMG_3072Baby Evan: Thanks for the advice man. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Baby Reid: Yes indeed. I am wise beyond my years month.
IMG_3069Baby Evan: MOOOOOM! I made a friend! He’s tiny and adorable and likes whales!
Baby Reid: Me too Mom! My friend is chubby and bald and looks like he’s going to be trouble. We’re gonna get along great!
Best Friends

Length: 25 inches (50th percentile)
Weight: 16 lbs 12 oz (75th percentile)
Head: 42.8 cm (50th percentile)

So the chubbiness of his thighs is a medical fact and not just my biased opinion.

I mentioned that the baby’s head is a little flat and the doc said “Meh”. Now that he’s spending less time on his back it should even out on its own, but if I am concerned for “aesthetic reasons” I could get a referral to a specialist. She mentioned the word “helmet” and I immediately decided his flat head is cute and endearing rather than deformed.

He had two shots today, one in each leg, and screamed like a banshee for exactly thirty seconds. By the time I checked out and scheduled his 6 month appointment he was already smiling and cooing at the nurses again. The 60 second car ride home put him to sleep and now he’s passed out in the car seat making all those good antibodies that will keep him from bleeding out his eyeballs or coughing up a lung.

Happy Birthday Baby! How can it only have been four months since this adorable little boy came into my life?
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I feel like he’s been mine forever. Baby Evan has such a huge personality, full of laughs and smiles for friends and strangers. He loves tickles and raspberries and being tossed lifted over your head. He’s quite a daredevil already and I am counting the days until he starts leaping off the furniture. He can sit up in your lap or propped up on the couch.
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He loves to stand up if you hold his arms or his waist and he can roll front to back but not quite back to front. IMG_2960

He loves animals more than anything and is already learning to pet the doggie and the kitty “nicely”. He can make lots of baby sounds, including all of the vowels, m, w, b, and h, and has started screeching and cackling when he laughs. He sleeps through the night and takes two long and two or three short naps a day, so I get lots of time for chores, cooking, the internet, or naps of my own. He has started to listen when you read to him, looking at the pages and trying to grab the book. I am so looking forward to every moment of watching him grow from a tiny little Gollum-lump to an independent, happy, loving boy. Happy birthday my darling baby. Baby? Hey, baby over here!
IMG_2968

DOOOOOOOGGGIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!

I love email! It's like talking to other grown ups without having to worry if the baby is screaming! Contact me: bebehblog@gmail.com
April 2017
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