During pregnancy, all I could talk about (and write about) was my body and all the changes it went through. Huge boobs! Peeing all the time! Huge boobs! Exhaustion! Huge boobs! So hungry! HUGE BOOBS!

Since having the baby everything’s been all adorable baby pics all the time, with a few OMG moments thrown in and almost nothing about how I am doing physically. So here’s what to expect 4 months AFTER you’re expecting.

The good:
My hemorrhoids are gone! I was afraid they were going to stick around forever since I had problems with my, uh, assal area even before pregnancy, but they’re just a distant memory now.
All of the swelling/bloating/largeness of face and hands that wasn’t weight gain related is gone. I finally recognize myself in surprise mirrors.
My arms are going to be CUT. Lifting and carrying the world’s heaviest baby is giving me huge shoulder muscles. Babies are like super expensive, loud, time consuming fitness equipment with a built in weight increase as you get stronger. Plus you can’t just throw your laundry on top of them like that treadmill in the corner.
All the birth-related lady parts trauma is gone, and thus everything in the marital relations department is back to normal. No pain, no problems.
I still haven’t had a period, which means I’ve been free from my monthly friend for more than a year. But since the baby is sleeping through the night (5+ hours without a feeding) I’m expecting to need that abandoned box of tampons in the back of the closet any day now.
I can feel my ab muscles again. They were sooooo stretched out from pregnancy they were totally useless for anything that involved balance or using your core. Now when I suck in, things actually go in.
My belly button looks exactly the same as it did pre-pregnancy.
Almost all my cellulite is gone. I didn’t have any much before I got pregnant, TONS while I was knocked up, and now it’s magically disappeared.

The bad:
I am only down 27 lbs from my pregnancy high. I still need to lose 13 lbs of pregnancy weight, plus 20 30 lbs of marriage-related weight.
The stretch marks on the backs of my knees don’t seem to be fading. A lot of my other ones have gotten lighter but these – the ones on the part of my body most likely to be exposed – are still red and angry.
“Breastfeeding helps you lose the weight” is the biggest lie EVAR. All breastfeeding does is make me ravenously hungry, especially for cookies, ice cream and brownies. The hunger has abated somewhat in the last couple weeks but I don’t think I’ve lost any more weight breastfeeding than someone formula feeding would have.
My hair and skin have lost their pregnancy glow. I’m back to shedding like a dog and fighting off pimples, although I’d say my skin is still 50% better than before all those baby hormones.

The ugly:
The skin on my lower stomach is never going to be the same. It’s loose and wrinkly and hangs over my underwear if I slouch even a little bit. I’m really glad I thought twice about that bikini line tattoo I wanted when I was 20.
My poor boobs. I had no idea they could change size and shape so drastically on a daily basis and all that stretching is taking it’s toll. I will never go bra-less again.

I would say things are far better than I would have expected at 4 months postpartum, considering that 4 months into pregnancy I was a totally mess. It’s really nice to have my body (mostly) all to myself again, womb-invader free.

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