I think I have the wrong baby. Or at least a different baby – maybe they got switched at the doctor’s office. But even though this one cries a little more, he sleeps more too so I think I’ll keep him. I just feel really sorry for the poor schmuck who ended up with the baby who refuses to latch without a nipple shield, throws up constantly and needs to be fed every 2 hours.

Baby Evan woke up on Wednesday and suddenly knew how to breastfeed. It’s like someone just downloaded the information into his head, Matrix-style. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if he also knows kung-fu. I only had to use the nipple shield once the whole day and only on the left side. He prefers the right. I’m trying not to read too much into that but if he registers Republican we’re going to have to have a talk.

But what about at night, you ask? Was he fussy at his 3 am feeding? Were you so tired you gave up on the latching and just did it the easy way? Get ready to be blown away: THERE WAS NO 3 AM FEEDING. MY BABY SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. 11 pm to 6:30 am. Although he’s still upset from the horrible, terrible needles and did his fair share of screaming last night, once I got him quiet (and then E re-quieted him when I was foolish enough to put him down so I could go up to bed) he stayed asleep. He stayed asleep so long my boobs almost popped and I had to use the breast pump to prevent an explosion. He stayed asleep so long I actually came downstairs to check and made sure he and E were still breathing. He stayed asleep so long I cannot believe he is asleep AGAIN right now. I thought maybe we used up a whole weeks worth of sleep in one night. If he hadn’t eaten breakfast like a champ and be so alert and happy during his bath I would be worried there was something wrong with him. I think the only thing that’s “wrong” is now that he’s getting his milk directly from my boob he’s less gassy, so he spits up less, so he stays full longer. UPGRADE!

The only negative about this new arrangement is when Baby Evan goes longer between feedings, my boobs get really full. Then there is the leaking and the squirting and the huge amounts of breast milk all over my clothes and the baby and the couch and anything else foolish enough to get within a 3 foot radius during a feeding. But that’s why God invented washing machines and Resolve.

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