Want to know the real reason people don’t vaccinate their children? IT %$#&*#% SUCKS. My baby is SAAAAAAAAD. He wants me to know that it HUUUUURTS. He’s going to make sure the whole neighborhood knows what an awful, mean mommy I am and I better not even think about getting up off this couch or moving more than 6 inches away from him or the already insane level of screaming will increase to a volume previously unknown to man.

Maybe there’s a way I can get the shots instead and transfer the vaccines through my milk. At this point, having the giant needles stuck directly into my nipples would be the LESS PAINFUL method.