Guys, thanks so much for your support after my last bitch session. It’s always a relief to hear I’m not the only one who hadn’t figured this baby thing (or this marriage thing) out yet. The truth is I don’t mind doing most of the household stuff. I’m so anal about where the glasses go and how full the washer has to be before you can set the water level on “high” it’s less stressful for me to just do it most of the time. But my attitude of “oh you’ll do it wrong so I’ll just do it myself” has become a self-fulfilling prophesy. E really doesn’t know that the spatulas go in the bottom drawer and not the middle one and when I can’t find any spatulas my LIFE IS OVER AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS COLLAPSING OMG.

I was hoping to avoid this situation with the baby – I’m sure you thought there wasn’t a WRONG way to change a diaper as long as the diaper is covering the correct end of the baby. You are mistaken. The only really right, correct, perfect way to change a diaper is MY way – and don’t you think you can learn MY way it because you are not ME. I have a horrible habit of offering (not) helpful suggestions whenever E’s doing baby stuff instead of letting him do it his own perfectly fine way. “The baby likes it better if you walk while you rock him” “You have to make sure the diaper edges are turned out just the right amount” “If he’s fussing again it’s probably because he wants to sit in the chair instead of lie down” “Look at the baby. Look at him. Look. Look. Look Look LOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.” I might be sucking just a little bit of joy out of fatherhood. So for the next week, I’m going to make no comments. None. As long as he’s doing his share and the baby’s not crying I’m going to keep my opinions to myself. If E actually does need my help I’ll be over here rearranging my spatulas.

That sound you just heard? That was E reading this post and falling to his knees and weeping with joy that all his prayers have been answered.