Mom and I went to the mall and out to lunch today, hoping that walking and climbing stairs might be what I needed to send me into labor. She kept asking me how I felt and I got really tired of saying “Great!” I don’t want to feel great. I want to feel contractions, lots and lots of contractions. Painful, hurty, vomit-inducing contractions. I mean, no, obviously I don’t want to lie on the floor throwing up for hours but until I start feeling something I can’t go to the hospital for The Drugs.

I tried raking the garden, but only lasted ten minutes before I felt like passing out. I am not in good shape y’all, and the beautiful, sunny weather made me overheat. Now I’m sitting on the couch feeling really crampy and uncomfortable. Which is…good? Maybe? This feeling isn’t like the Braxton-Hicks contractions, where my stomach got really tight. It’s more like period cramps or intestinal problems that send me running to the bathroom only to discover I don’t need to go. I’m pretty sure I haven’t lost my mucous plug and I know my water is still intact, which are the two things I KNOW will get me a room at the hospital, so unless Baby E kicks me hard enough to pop something, I’m not having the baby tonight. April Fool’s is looking more and more likely!