I’m watching the horrible fourth hour of Today, which I would like to stop doing but cannot reach the remote. I am obviously not the target audience for this show. The commercials are all for cleaning products and air fresheners because God forbid you actually take out your disgusting trash when you can just buy some sort of scented oil candle spray crap to hide the smell. That’s almost worse than letting your feminine pad spill blue liquid everywhere.  One of the commercials stars that horrible Glade woman who spends all her time lying to her friends about baking, when she should really be lying to them about what kind of prescription drugs she mixing to make herself so insanely cheerful. ANYWAYS, this particular air freshener promises to hide the stench of your ass for 60 days! OMG!!!!

And it occurred to me: If I bought one of those right now, I’d have a baby before it stopped stinking up my house.