Hey guess what? I’m still pregnant! Shocking, I know.

I mentioned to the doctor that I was worried I didn’t look pregnant enough, but she assured me that my uterus is just the right size. Did you know that the number of inches from the top of your pubic bone to the fundus (top of your uterus) is approximately the same as the number of weeks along you are? So my uterus is almost 33 inches, which makes me right on track for an on-time baby. She also thinks I’m insane for complaining. Why would I want to be huge? The truth is, I am huge. But I’m huge in my ass. And my boobs and face and arms and thighs. I’m just not huge in my belly. I’m just going to keep telling myself that most of this is water weight that will come right off after I give birth. Let the pregnant woman live in denial.

E also had a doctor’s appointment today, his yearly once-over from the military to make sure he’s still fit to serve. He came home with a box of eye drops and this was our conversation:
Me: What’s the in the bag?
E: Eye drops. Apparently there’s something wrong with my eyes and they don’t produce enough moisture.
Me: Are you saying your tears are broken? You physically can’t cry?
E: Yeah I guess.
Me: So you’re dead inside.

I’m afraid if you don’t understand why that’s hilarious we can’t be friends anymore (ahaha, Friends! Get it?!?) But here’s a hint just in case: