“Post-baby bod”

Those three (two? two and a half?) words make me want to throw up. Especially if I have just eaten an entire bag of Skittles and or a whole apple pie. US Weekly just sent me an email about how Ashley Simpson “revealed” her post-natal figure at a concert last night in NYC. I am ashamed to admit, I looked at the pictures, but all Ashley revealed was that it was effing cold in the Northeast this week and a large coat was in order. I thought this kind of judging only took place in the tabloid world of actresses and models, but now I’m afraid it’s become common place even among us regular folks.

There is a lovely woman in the Navy wives’ group I’m a part of who had a beautiful baby girl about a month ago. She actually made it to the November meeting only three days after having a C-section (she said the drugs were AWESOME) but last night was the first time I’ve ever seen her not pregnant. Not only did she look happy, glowy and well rested, she was wearing regular pants. ONE MONTH out of her pregnancy and she can fit in her jeans. One month INTO my pregnancy I was already wearing maternity pants. Then everyone started talking about how much weight they gained with their babies and I got even more depressed. One woman said she only gained nine pounds with her daughter, making her highest weight ever 119 pounds. I said I gained nine pounds yesterday. The tone of  the conversation was “Good for you, brand new mom, for not being one of those women who lets themselves go after a baby!” as opposed to “Wow, some people are just genetically blessed, aren’t they?”

I started this pregnancy only 5 or 6 pounds technically overweight, but about 30 pounds heavier than I want to be. I’m screwed all around. My “post-baby bod” is going to be pretty much the same as my during-baby bod, except instead of being happy when people ask if I’m pregnant I’ll be pissed off. I cannot begin to explain the weird and unhealthy relationships I’ve had with food over the years and how soul-suckingly time consuming it is for me to lose weight. My only hope is that keeping my Y membership active and breastfeeding regularly will make enough of a dent in my very extended waistline that I can avoid the serious medical consequences of being overweight permanently.

Now I’m off to try these pregnancy workout DVDs I ordered, although avoiding all social interaction for the next year might be easier.

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