I’m fine, the baby is fine, everything is now totally ok. Last night I had some minor bleeding and a major panic attack and decided this time I was NOT going to wait and call the doctor in a few days if it didn’t go away (see: flu shot pain). That’s my update, and now I’m going to provide you with WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION, so feel free to stop reading.

1. If you go to the hospital and say “22 weeks pregnant” people take you seriously. Even if you tell them you know you’re overreacting and you aren’t in pain and you just wanted the on-call doctor to take a quick look, you will get a wheelchair, several nurses, and your real doctor will be paged.

2. The Doppler machine is much harder to use than you previously knew. My first nurse couldn’t find a fetal heartbeat, and I swear if she had looked for mine at that moment she couldn’t have found it either. I got so concerned my blood pressure dropped and I got light headed. The second nurse couldn’t find the heart sounds, but we could both feel the baby moving around. The doctor eventually used the sonogram machine and found it.

3. Hospital beds are incredibly uncomfortable. My back hurt, my legs hurt, my neck hurt and even though I was totally exhausted there was no chance of sleep. Evan got more rest in the metal folding chair than I did in this bed. I’m hoping the actual labor and delivery rooms have better beds but I’m not getting my hopes up.

4. Even though no one sent me home as just an over concerned pregnant woman, once I mentioned we had enjoyed some, um, marital activities earlier,ย  everyone started smiling and stopped running. I tried to explain it had never caused any bleeding before and it wasn’t just a little bleeding it was scary red clumpy bleeding (I told you to stop reading) but the doctor assured me it was still probably the cause.

5. Although lying to a doctor is never good, I wish I hadn’t mentioned the marital activities. Evan also wishes I had lied, since those activities have been forbidden until I get to 34 weeks. That’s 3 months from now. I may revisit the issue at my next actual appointment, because although I am willing to give up a lot of things during pregnancy, that is not one of them.

6. Injections in your butt hurt more than any other shots ever. Since I am Rh negative they gave me a shot of RhoGAM just to be on the safe side. I think I mentioning the Rh thing twenty times may have convinced the doctor to give me the injection just to make me shut up, but I feel much better today knowing I’m covered. i just can’t sit on any hard surfaces.

7. Emergency rooms and late night hospital visits are not at all similar to the ones on TV. Our ER is small and softly lit with art on the walls and beige carpet. Sadly, neither George Clooney nor Noah Wiley were anywhere to be found. My nurses weren’t even a little bit sassy. No one came in with a gunshot wound, impaled on anything or even a head trauma. I’m kind of glad, because I was freaked out enough as it was, but a cute doctor or two wouldn’t have been too upsetting.

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