OMG I am such a bad bad mother. Why haven’t I been using a Prenatal Education System? I obviously my baby is now destined to pump gas for the rest of his life. Forget about college, I’ll be lucky if he gets into preschool.

The pregnancy books say the baby can indeed hear loud noises now, but I certainly hope he doesn’t remember them after birth. Poor child is the son of a sailor, his entire vocabulary will consist of four letter words.