1. I’ve said “Oh my God, I HATE CHILDREN” at least 4 times in the past 24 hours.
2. I spent an hour scrolling through 1,000,000+ Google results for “alcohol and pregnancy” until I finally found a website that said moderate drinking during my 2nd trimester probably wouldn’t ruin my baby’s life. It was on page 42.
3. If my baby came home now, it would have to sleep in a drawer.
4. The nursery is full of floor varnish fumes that may or may not be toxic.
5. I think my cat is waaaay too needy.
6. My car is completely inappropriate for a baby. I have no plans to sell it.
7. I cheer when shows on HBO have nudity warnings.
8. The last time I mopped the floor was…never.
9. I had cheeseburgers for breakfast and pie for lunch.
10. I would like to murder the entire cast of High School Musical 3 with a pair of pliers.

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