Name a part of your body that you don’t think can get fat. Your wrists, your ankles, your ears, your toes, your hands. When you are pregnant, this is no longer true. My shoes are giving me blisters in places they used to fit. My boots won’t zip over my ankles. I swear my headbands are tighter, which would mean either my head or my hair is fatter. Today while I was being RESPONSIBLE and HEALTHY and getting my 30 minutes of light to moderate exercise my hands swelled up like balloons. It felt like an allergic reaction (to exercise??!?!?!) but I’m pretty sure I was just retaining water. I couldn’t even make a fist. I can’t even get my wedding ring off anymore, which is really cutting into my free drinks at the bar. KIDDING. Of course I still get free drinks, have you seen my boobs? STILL KIDDING. I’ll ask my doctor about the hand-swelling at my appointment next week, but I’m sure the answer is YOU’RE PREGNANT, DUMMY.

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