Today is my last day in the office. I wasn’t expecting to leave so soon but the company’s trying to cut costs and I guess having someone here to answer the phone isn’t a priority. I might be a little sad, but I know in my heart they’re going to be reeeeeally sorry. They have no idea how much crap I take care of when no one else is here, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on my couch eating bonbons to care.

Since I’m going to have so much free time on my hands I’ve been thinking about volunteering. Lord knows there are plenty of places in my community that could use me, I just haven’t ever actually made a call and committed myself. But this morning I think my mind was made up for me. My office is in a building with a lot of doctors and lawyers. It also happens to be the home of Planned Parenthood. It’s a great location – central to the whole Eastern half of the state, just off the highway, not far from the high school – if it weren’t for the protesters. EVERY DAY these people, sometimes 2, sometimes 10, sometimes more, are out front with their signs, marching up and down the sidewalk. Sometimes they bring their young kids or babies with them, which annoys me on a totally other level.

This morning there was a woman standing right next to my parking space with a sign that almost made me run her over with my car. It has an adorable, chubby cheeked baby with a huge grin and the words say “Smile! I’m a life!” Oh, wait you mean they murder babies at the Planned Parenthood? Well that’s horrible! All you pro-choicers must be evil, baby hating monsters. I bet you kick puppies too. ACK. I wanted to shake her and yell “Women don’t have abortions because they hate cuteness! Women have abortions because people like you take away their access to birth control and sex education!!”

After I get out of work, I’m martching my knock-up butt right down to PP and asking if they need any volunteers. Then I’m going outside to to suggest the protesters go do something that ACTUALLY HELPS CHILDREN, like volunteer at the soup kitchen or become a foster parent. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not very polite, I’m feeling quite hormonal today.